I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
