I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
