She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
