Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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