So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
