He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
