Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
