dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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