i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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