we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm always down for nudity.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
