even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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