I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
