If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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