in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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