bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
