I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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