another moral hangover. fuck.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
