he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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