I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
