guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
