I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
