Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
