and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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