He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
