Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
