Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
