You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
