sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
how does that bad decision feel?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
