I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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