I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
