im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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