I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
