He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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