I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
