Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
