so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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