I wanna bring you to show and tell
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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