i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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