i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
