she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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