he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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