I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
FUCK WHALES
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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