I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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