there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
