Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
being pregnant is like rehab
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
