Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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