these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
