The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
