His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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