You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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