I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
