I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
