Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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