Apparently you make a good broom.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
