The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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