No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
