Do you still have your period?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
